I want to share a clear moment that changed everything. The result answers: What Inspires Me?
What inspires me to focus on living life to the fullest with happiness even when I know others are suffering around me? We all have reasons for how we live, with different perspectives and beliefs about life. Some feel wounded, others determined or confused or grateful. I want to share something with you – my clear inspiration. My father escaped Lithuania in 1939 with a miraculous story involving only three days advance notice to get out as Nazi’s approached. He had no money or documents to travel or immigrate. His incredible journey is one that I am documenting and will share later. Horribly, his family was murdered by the Nazi’s in killing pits, shot after experiencing excruciating fear and torture. My dad’s later life was full of internal pain known as Survivors Guilt, that manifested into many heart operations and other physical ailments. He once acknowledged that it was as if he needed to feel pain to honor their pain that they could not escape from. Yes, he knew angels watched over him with many blessings of escaping danger, but the horror for his family haunted his heart, mind, and spirit. My sisters and I watched him carefully, and often with concern. In the 1980’s I began to ask him questions about his life, his town, his family, learning one detail at a time. In 1987, he mailed to each of his four daughter a gut-wrenching manuscript of about 100 pages with photos included. He was finally sharing with us his story of how he escaped, his family's tragedy, and the search for family his whole life. I sobbed and choked with sadness as I read his vivid details without stopping, through the night and the next day. The manuscript honored and shared his story and that of his family, so his daughters would know them. Fast forward over 20 years, I was enjoying my own active life, family and career, yet I found myself still watching my father with admiration, sorrow, and amazement over what he had accomplished since his early years. In 2008, I had a hypnotic experience that may be called metaphysical or spiritual where I was taken on a path and found myself in a horrible place, in a silent line for the gas chambers of Nazi rule. I felt numbing sadness and helplessness, with my head hanging low as I shuffled in the death march line. Suddenly, my family who had been murdered crowded into a distant view, huddled together in their heavy old-world clothes, calling out to me. They shouted: “Stand up! Rise up! You don't have to carry this burden for us, we've already suffered. You don't have to carry our burden or sadness. We get so much joy watching you! You are doing so many wonderful things and enjoying life. Keep doing that, we love watching you! We see the wonderful things you have done. We see them. We know. We want you to be happy and celebrate in this life. You do not have to be burdened by our sadness.” That was it. From that moment forward, my life perspective changed. I was not responsible to carry life's burdens. My purpose was to enjoy life to the fullest, just keep doing that. I was helping my ancestors, they loved it. Plus, I can inspire others to live life to the fullest. To focus on joy and gratitude and what we have to be thankful for. Thank you, ancestors, for releasing me from that burden of responsibility. I don’t have to carry sadness. I can choose to focus on fun, joy, gratitude. So, that's my inspiration to keep saying, I'm doing this. For them, for me, for you, for those that follow us. I will share when this book of my father’s life is available. It is a huge project. I only work on it when I feel desire and interest, not burden of obligation. Enjoy life today! You may just inspire someone else! Love, Nancy
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October 2022
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